Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Thoughts About the Coddling of American Not-Adults

I can't call them "children" - many of them are college-age and even beyond.

Too many are being assisted by parents eager to have a bragging point on social media, or on the back of their SUV bumper.

Here's a good explanation of some of the ridiculous measures that parents have taken in an effort to see their kid "win" at life's events.

What might reasonable parental help look like?

  • Assistance for the first few grades with doing homework, and organizing their backpack to make it possible to locate work to be turned in, permission slips to be signed. Most kids don't need that much help after the first couple of times; some, the less-organized, or honestly disabled in that regard, might need assistance longer. At some point, kids have to be responsible for their own affairs - definitely before college.
  • Some coaching in sports, either personally, or with some help from a better-qualified coach. Unless their team coach says they've got a reasonable possibility of making it in high-level - Olympic or professional - sports, a start is all that is necessary. If the kid drives the practice - eager to continue long after you've pooped out, this is fine. If YOU are the one that is insisting on continuing practice, and the kid is reluctant, ask yourself - why is this so important to me? What is lacking in my own accomplishments that I would live vicariously through my child?
  • Project help - the first time they do this, they might honestly be confused about what is involved, and need some input. After that, unless there's a specific question - and quite small - they're on their own. For example, for each of my kids, the first time they had to do a research project, I worked with them. I helped them learn how to take notes, use those notes to begin writing, helped them learn how to use a word processor, and give a last check of the report, looking for spelling errors/typos, or seriously tangled grammar. That was it. Yes, I know other parents virtually did the work themselves. Too bad. That kid lost out - hugely - and did not learn from the assignment. It will bite that kid in the butt when they actually have to do their own work.
  • Friendships - playgroups are for those kids without siblings, who are too young to handle walking over to a friend's house. By the time they've hit 3rd grade or so, they're on their own. One exception - the socially awkward kid who needs some coaching on how to make, and keep, friends. But, by high school, at least, they're on their own.
  • Housework - a household worker is no substitute for what kids can learn by pitching in with the household chores. Even toddlers can pick up things on the floor. ALL kids should be able to clean up after themselves, do laundry, cook basic meals, and organize their stuff.
What can you add to this list?

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